4.04.2008

Call Me Out.

It's captivating what becomes of people. People you've known for most of your life. People you grew up with. People who mentored you. I was a kid once and I firmly believed that the friends I had then would remain with me throughout life. I was wrong, but not completely. I do have many friends that I've known for many years and would hope to keep them for many more. I also have many friends who have become acquaintances at best and some that now have nothing to say to me, nor I to them.
Change happens; I understand that. Gradual change is much easier to comprehend, maybe because you can see it coming and prepare yourself. People change along the same lines, some slow, some fast, some so fast it's hard to watch. Change is also hard to watch when it seems to be for the worst. It's umbearable, almost, when a bad change happens so fast it floors you. Even worse is the thought that the person you knew so well did not actually ever change, but just gave up the act, the facade, the person you knew so well.
At the same time, change causes reflection, at least with me it does. I remember the person I knew back when most times were good times, and bad times were few. I remember the foundations of the friendship, why we were ever friends at all. The adventure. The lack of expectations. The ease with which we could fall back in line after a long time apart. The give. The take. The generosity of time and assets.
I also turn to introspection, introreflection. I realize that if those so close to me can fall prey to whatever it is that demanded such a turn for the worst, then I too have that same potential. To fall. To hurt. To break my word, and forget promises. It's this perspective, me watching friends fall and realizing that I just as unexpectantly could fall, that seems to be almost a blessing. A simple awareness of my own vulnerability that I hope will act as prevention.
I am not scared of change, in fact, I suppose I change daily in a slow movement headed towards a better, wiser version of myself. At least I hope so, because it's the opposite that I am scared of; a sudden unexplained betrayal of who I am.
In this reflection I learned that most of all I hope to be exactly who I present myself to be. Never more and nothing less. I want my yes to be yes and my no to be no. I want to do right; I don't want to do wrong. I want to be defined by truth, loyalty, and consistency. I want it to be said of me this; "If John said it, then it is true." I want to be the same person to all people - always me. I want to be known as a true friend, a great father, and a faithful husband to one woman. I hope that the clarity and consistency of me will be so evident to those around me that they will recognize otherwise and call me out.

10 comments:

graceguy and red said...

You are what you work so hard to be faithful to...thanks for being a friend to me...despite the changes I may go through...you practice what you preach friend! good post.

Katie... yeah! said...

this is beautiful to me. and i also want to be true.

Katie... yeah! said...

yo i just posted a response on my blog to your comment.

Johnny T said...

good to hear. good to hear.

Anonymous said...

I hear you dude! I knew a guy once who ran fast for miles and he changed....

lisa said...

yep...I cried.

I think authenticity/integrity is one of the few things that can't be taken from you. People can call your bluff but they can't make it a bluff.

I also think when you believe the best in someone it is more of a reflection of who you are and less of who they are.

You, J.T believe the best in people. And, people are better for knowing you..

Johnny T said...

well those may indeed be the best complements i've been given.
and the best being a reflection . . . . whoa.

Anonymous (AARON JENSEN)-
I know I know. i used to burn you everytime, at least you're consistent. run 20 miles then hit the wall hard ... every time.

Kel said...

Good on ya mate :) But keep in mind our human nature :)

anjali said...

john if i could wrap you up in a word it would probably be 'authentic'

you really are true to your word, true to your design, in a way thats incomparable to most...

thanks for this post, it hit me like a ton of bricks

murph411 said...

J - Reflect away bro! Humility is a slippery rope to keep hold of; some would say not even to try. Seek authenticity, seek Him daily and let the chips fall in faith. Change is what it is; good perspective. And people are... well we're all human. Even when those you hold in high esteem fall you will be able to love them and see Jesus in them if you can frame them in the perspective of Christ in them.