10.09.2008

Me?


Who am I?
This is one thing i have been pondering for the last few weeks. First of all I am not so eloquent as my husband john so don't expect this blog to be.
I know that i am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and even granddaughter, but where is me in all of this?
I think this is a common question of people with young kids. One day you are carefree, doing what you want at that moment and time, not even once considering others, and then the next, everything changes. Your once relaxed personality would jump at a whim of going off to the beach, for a bike ride, or even out to dinner has now changed. You are asked to do something fun and the stress of feedings, nap time, skin allergies, diapers, doctor's appointments floods your brain to where the most treasured fun activities are no longer worth it. Is this how it will always be?
Now know that I am not complaining, I would not change anything, I am just trying to reconnect with my self through this blog.
I remember being single and longing for a companion, and people that had one saying "Enjoy your being single, embrace it" I always thought "You embrace it" I don't want this. I feel like maybe i understand what they were saying now.
I also remember being married and wanting kids so bad, and people telling me Enjoy what you have. So I think i did enjoy what i had when i had it. It is odd to me thinking now back, oh how great it was, yet appreciating the fulfilling life i live now.
I can't say I would go back and relive anything i just feel like this whirlwind of life has overtaken and now i am left wondering what happened to me?
I think getting married changes you , you become someones wife and maybe loose a part of yourself but also uncover a new part of your self you have never known. I guess the same can be said for having kids, except i feel like i don't even know who i am except a caretaker of others.
I am okay with this, i mean how your life is no longer yours but at the hands of little ones that depend on you. I just wonder how can i give to them and still feel like i know who i am.
This is where i am at. just saying.
Beth

6 comments:

Riding with dogs said...

I'm glad you enjoy it and are cool with it. I'm no expert but I'd have to guess that in 15 years you'll be able to go out and do the things you used to do but with your kids. That is if you can keep up with them, don't let yourself get too old.

Riding with dogs said...

This blog needs to be updated at least once a week and with pictures!!!!!!!!!!!

hilary said...

Just so you know.... I hear ya. I've often thought the same thing and am torn as to what to do with these thoughts. Because I, like you, LOVE my life now and wouldn't change it for a thing. But, I oh so miss the days of spontaneity and carefree living. I'm guessing that it's as you said, a "mom thing"... and we all feel this way at least at some point or another. I love that your "real" and honest- and know that you're not alone, that's for sure! Love you! -Hil

beth said...

will try and do better greg. and i hope it doesn't take 15 years, that would mean that at the age of 45 i will start being able to do what i want

Johnny T said...

I see you in our kids...you know their personalities and love for life IS you, but I know what you mean, I remember being able to walk out the door without a second thought.

You were made to be a Mom, after all you've been through and now we have two kids. It's incredible.

as for updating once a week with picture....we used to do that exactly back in '06 it's just hard to keep it up.

the Grumps said...

If you figure it out...let me know